What My Immigrant Parents Taught Me About Mentoring

Growing up in an immigrant household isn’t easy. One thing you realize early on is just how much your parents had to sacrifice to put you in a position where you can open your eyes to all the world has to offer. My upbringing fits this bill perfectly. My father, the youngest of eight children, is from Nigeria and grew up during the Nigerian Civil War. My mother was born in Barbados, raised in a predominantly single mother household, and spent half her childhood growing up in the tough neighborhoods of Brooklyn, NY. Together, they’ve made the biggest impact on my life. Anyone who’s close to me knows how highly I regard them as parents, but, more importantly, as people. I’ve learned through them how to love, how to lead, how to care, and how to grow. What resonated with me the most, was my parents’ ability to just give. I can’t count how many times they would send barrels of clothes, books, amenities, etc. down to family in Barbados. And, I can’t count the number of bags we’d travel with to Nigeria just so we could give away all the items they contained. Seeing them give and give with a happy heart built me into who I am today. I learned that, in life, you need to give in order to get. By investing your time, your ear, and your money in others, your life becomes fulfilled. I draw the most excitement in my life when I see a friend winning or when I see people growing spiritually, mentally, and physically. This mentality is infectious and has much to do with why I and my 3 siblings are so close. We look out for each other and care for each other deeply because we genuinely want to see each other win. Beyond showing us how to be good people, my parents also helped us to sharpen and open our minds. In our household, school was easily No. 1; but, art and sports were right behind it. While growing up I became a black belt in Taekwondo, danced on the front line to Thriller during our end of summer recital, played basketball for 8 years, did a bunch of internships, went with my parents to work pretty often, and was involved in general and family organizations, as well. Two things that were stressed to make this all work was the importance of having your own schedule and the importance of having family meetings to keep up with what everyone was doing and working on in their lives.

My turn to put on the mentor hat

The same leadership qualities I learned at home are the same ones I employ in the real world. To be honest, I never was a fan of the word – mentor. I think I had a mildly warped view of it because it seemed that most young people I knew had just one. I always thought, ‘why would someone only listen to one person’s advice? No individual is all knowing.’ And, in turn, I considered myself blessed because I could go to either parent for different advice on different life situations. My views changed when I became a mentor and role model to several of the teenage sons and daughters of our family friends and when I began mentoring a 17 and 15-year-old brother and sister while I was in college. I saw firsthand how much impact the words, I thought to be relatively futile, actually had on these individuals. The learning and development that took place for each of them and myself were amazing. When it comes to my ability to mentor others, I’ve learned how important patience is and I’ve learned that the end goal isn’t perfection, rather it’s the ability to grow and grow quickly.   Being in the entrepreneurial world isn’t easy. You have to be flexible, be able to deal with rigors of the road and be willing to make tough decisions when warranted. Through my personal and professional experiences, I’ve dealt with this first hand; but, it’s been my ability to grow and learn fast that have enabled me to be as successful as I’ve been and, more importantly, given me the platform to help motivate and teach others. Currently, I don’t take on singular mentorship roles. That said, I’ve been pretty consistent in making myself available to those who show a propensity to work hard and prepare themselves prior to our meeting. These are the individuals I enjoy sharing my time and knowledge with. I connect well with others because I talk to them as people. I don’t care about your title. I don’t care how much money you’ve made. If I can’t connect with you as a person, I have little interest in working with you.

My advice to anyone seeking mentorship is to do the following

  1. Look for people who are different than you but possess qualities you wish to develop within yourself
  2. Prior to reaching out, do your research on them, prepare yourself as much as you can, and politely drop them a note to connect
  3. Realize, the value YOU bring to the table is the ability to grow from each and every interaction you have with your mentor. If you’re not showing progression, you must first take a hard look at yourself and then, if there’s still stagnation, consider connecting with a different mentor
  4. Know what questions to ask. Nothing is more draining than talking with someone who couldn’t spend 5 minutes, of their own time, on Google searching for answers to basic questions. It’s a sign of laziness…and again, unpreparedness.
  5. Keep an eye out for those who you can connect with spiritually and who enable you to grow morally, as well. The most important thing in life is your ability to be a good person. Being a trustworthy, good person always trumps being the most intelligent, richest, or strongest person in the room.